We’ve all seen the meme right? The lady, with the haircut, who wants to speak to the manager for who knows what? This meme and phrase was the story of my life yesterday. First, I was at work, and the clients were OFF.THE.CHARTS. crazy. Fortunately for me, management knows our client tendencies and when we say someone’s acting crazy, we are usually believed. I has 3 clients do the “I’d like to speak to the manager” thing-ROCK ON BOOBOO-good luck. After work, I wanted to simplify my life by grabbing Little Caesar’s pizza to save some time and effort for dinner. Walk in, and there is literally “I’d like to speak to the manager haircut lady at the register. COME ONNNNNNN!!!! So I tell myself in my head to chill out, hopefully she’s not gonna do “the thing”. Yeah right. So the cashier tells her the total, which was 20-something dollars and change. I think it was between $26-$28, don’t remember exactly. So she’s all WHATTTTTT???? WHYYYYYY????? Cashier begins to tell her “well you ordered a combo meal for $18.99, you added this and this, and added a soda, and of course there’s tax.” She stands there gazing into space like this is some complex mathematical equation. JUST PAYYYYYYYYYYY!!! So finally, and seemingly reluctantly, she pays, with two $20 bills. Cashier gives her the change and she is studying the receipt like it has turn-by-turn directions to the long lost location of the fountain of youth described on it. Lady you’re at Little Caesars. You’re not going to get pizzas and crazy bread and whatever else you ordered, plus a soda, for that price, anywhere else, ever. GTFO of my way already!! I approach the counter and ask the cashier what is ready. “Pepperoni and cheeses are ready” GREAT I’ll take one of each and a 2-liter soda. $14 and 3 minutes later I’m out the door. While I’m walking out, I’d like to talk to the manager lady is talking to a child that’s by her side, that she must be babysitting and she says to the child “I can’t wait to get home and hang out with you, we’re going to have such a fun night!” YEAHHHHH I BET YOU ARE LOADS OF FUN. SO…I bring the pizzas home to my kids so I can then turn around and leave to go visit my husband. I was wearing a pair of LuLaRoe leggings, with a long black top that went almost down to my knees. NOW…technically speaking, leggings are on the list of prohibited clothing for visitors-however-this location is notorious for not caring what people wear to visit. It’s common knowledge among prison wives and families of individuals in this facility, and you can see it in action when visits begin and people are allowed to enter wearing (or not wearing) pretty much anything. Plus like I said, my top went almost all the way to my knees, therefore its completely covering my ass-not like that matters because “covered ass” is not a requirement to enter visits. I go up to the window to submit my visiting pass and ID. This rotten ass bitch is gonna tell me “I can’t let you in with those leggings on, but if you go change and come back I can let you in” FOR FUCKING REAL? Because I spotted 2 other women waiting with leggings on, one with a one-piece, form fitting, short dress, and one with jeans just as tight as leggings-that were probably jeggings anyways. Now any seasoned prison wife knows that arguing with these barbarians is not going to get you anywhere. So I suck my thoughts deep into my throat and walk outside, go home, which thankfully is only a 5 minute drive, and throw on some jeans which honestly were tighter than the leggings-but what-everrrrrr. I walk back into the facility and this bitch says “well, you’re late for visiting time I don’t know if I can let you in. YOU FILTHY BITCH. I said “you.told.me.to.change.and.come.back.” She plays fucking dumb and then eventually lets me in, AFTER calling a dog out to check me out just to be a stankin ass bitch. Seriously tho, it was all showboating. Then she proceeds to remind me that I cannot see my husband after this visit for at least 2 weeks because the “courtesy pass” I’ve been using expired at this visit and my official visiting application has not yet been approved and documented. I already knew this, and the fact that she let me know that she also knew this…I mean, to say I was livid was an understatement. You CLEARLY know that this is our last visit for a while, and you’ve given me as much of a hard time as you POSSIBLY can. LIKE WHY???? I would have said I’d like to talk to the manager, but visiting my husband was far more important than stooping to the level of juvenile vindiction of that stupid little bitch, and I had no more time to waste. Ya know the type that is so miserable with their own life that they feel compelled to interfere with other people’s happiness and peace? “Live and let live”…if only it were that easy.
SO today was grand. NOT. It was one of those days where I wake up okay, just to start going about my day and experience several meltdowns. I woke up to a whining dog that wanted to out for a walk. Not a big deal, but enough to send me over the edge. Simply because I was reminded that I am responsible for so many more things in my life than just myself. Who cries while walking the dog?!?!?! I did. Just thinking about the day ahead, which was nothing serious-just the thoughts of having to get groceries, do laundry, clean the house, run other errands, OH and also try to work a few hours to make some money. Those thoughts are all it took to send me into a downward spiral. I don’t want to drink my woes away, don’t use any other drugs, but I NEED SOME KIND OF SOMETHING to take me down a few levels when I can’t seem to pull myself together. Went to WalMart-nice, look at all the families here together. Missing my husband comes in waves. I tend to lose it when I’m doing things, or thinking of things, we usually do together. I spent many years as a single mom and I CRUSHED that role. I had alll my shit together, I wasn’t dependent on anyone or any assistance. Everything that needed to get done, got done, without a second thought about the fact that I was doing it alone. Where did that strength go??? “I did it before, I can do it again” kept playing through my mind. BUT I DON’T WANT TO DO IT ALONE. He calls, a call which of course I have to pay for, and I had a complete screaming and venting fit, followed by “sorry, I had to vent”. LIKE-SERIOUSLY-I’m JUST running errands, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!! Welp, that wasn’t happening. On top of it my two favorite Netflix series’ I have been binging on have both ended. I FEEL LOST. I was driving down the street and saw a “smoke shop” type of place that advertised having CBD oil. I’ve seen social media posts of people praising the stuff for pretty much any ailment or complaint they have. So I went in, not knowing what I should ask for-just told the guy that I want to try it. He asks “what strain and strength do you want?” My response…”I need mental breakdown strength”. Without even batting an eye or making a face he hands me a little brown bottle and tells me to start by taking half a dropperful at a time. I get home and take an entire dropperful. It’s okay I guess. It didn’t sedate me or anything, but I did feel like I had gotten knocked down a few notches from the super high mental space I was in. At least now it’s the time of evening where I cook dinner, I’M DOING LAUNDRY (yay me), and it will be bedtime in a couple hours. Enter the freakout of tomorrow being Monday and REAL LIFE starting over again. I guess I will deal with that in the morning, with CBD oil readily available and in reach at all times. Adulting is freaking hard and sometimes sucks. I need a guide, or something. THEN it came to me: think of how you did it before and just do it again. OH…that reminds me, i bought a new shirt over the weekend at the thrift store for $2.99. It says on it “NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP”. Maybe if I wear it every day it will help?? Let’s see.